Just Think!

Motor oil is the blood of a vehicle. Attitude is the blood of your existence. When either one gets dirty, essential parts of your engine aren’t properly lubricated. Much like your heart pumping through clogged veins, your engine can’t function with contaminated fluids.

One day, without warning…although there were actually plenty of warnings you dismissed…you’ll notice white smoke coming from your exhaust. Standing in the rain next to your disabled vehicle, you’ll call someone for help and curse your bad luck. You might even blame God.

Mental health works the same way, especially in the area of attitude. If you’re unwilling to address issues in need of attention, those issues are eventually going to shut you down. But you won’t have to stand on the shoulder of the road and wait for that tow truck if you stay ahead of the problem. Small personal maintenance steps put you in position to pull over and help some other poor soul who ignored the signs of a breakdown.

Frequently checking your attitude levels and addressing previously unchecked anger, fear, worry, resentments, selfishness (and the other problems we’ll cover later) makes your ride through life smoother. As I type this owner’s manual for your skin-covered vehicle, I’m 58 years old. I’ve learned plenty through mistakes and failures, and you can, too. I’ve also learned something important: I am the only person in control of my attitude. I see life the way I decide to see it. So do you. But how do I know I’m seeing things clearly?

It all boils down to how we think.

As many intelligent people have noted through the centuries, I’ve learned from them that I am what I think about. Since you’re human, the same goes for you. What you decide to think about sets the course for your entire life. If you want a better life, you need better thoughts. I believe you can gain insight into your thinking from the pages ahead.

Your attitude is your oil.

And it needs to be changed from time to time.

ASK THE QUESTIONS

A quick truth before we start:

Most people don’t “randomly” fall apart.

They drift there. Slowly. Quietly. One ignored warning light at a time.

And then one day, boom, your emotional engine is smoking on the side of the road. You’re sitting there in the rain asking, “How did it get this bad?”

Here’s how:

We are emotional creatures. Every single one of us. That’s because we are thinkers. When we experience an emotion, it is created by our thoughts. The emotion didn’t just appear out of nowhere.

Some people react impulsively to their automatic thoughts out of habit. If they think angry thoughts, they engage in angry behaviors. A sad thought, a fearful thought, an anxious thought…all of them have the power to hijack our moods. And then the door opens for consequences once the emotional storm passes.

I’m convinced we can dramatically improve our lives if we begin challenging our automatic thoughts with questions, logic, and facts.

How do we do this?

Practice. Practice. Practice.

We are creatures of habit. Once we do something enough times, our subconscious takes over and we act on autopilot. The habit becomes part of who we are…whether it is good or bad.

Here’s an example.

A person who smokes just finished a cigarette. While he’s crushing the butt into the ashtray, a family member texts and asks him to come over immediately. He gets in the driver’s seat and fires up the engine.

Then his brain scans the environment…steering wheel, dashboard, music, air freshener over the rear-view.

And what does he reach for?

That’s right. A cigarette.

He just had one. He doesn’t want one. But his habit told him, “Light up. We smoke when we drive.” So, he does.

When children learn to walk, they focus intently on each step: “This foot goes here. Now this foot goes there.” They wobble and fall but keep going. Soon afterward those same little stumblers are running all over the house. They no longer think about their steps.

Walking is a habit now.

Repetition built this habit.

And your thinking works the same way.

Whatever you think about and focus on defines your life. Most people don’t understand this basic theme: Your thoughts build your life—or tear it down. You decide.

I send the following list of questions to all of my new clients and ask them to challenge their thinking throughout each day, every single day. This list isn’t chronological. It’s just a starter list to get people accustomed to thinking before they act.

One question typically leads to another. The goal is to make informed decisions based on logic and facts, not impulse.

So, let’s get started.

QUESTIONS TO CHALLENGE AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS

Reality Check

Why do I believe this?

Do I have proof it is true?

Did someone else tell me this and I simply believed it?

Do I know exactly what others are thinking?

Am I writing a horror story in my head?

Ownership and Solutions

If I do have proof, what can I do to change my circumstances?

What are possible solutions to my problem?

If a problem is fixable, why am I worrying about it?

If a problem isn’t fixable, why am I worrying about it?

Self-Talk and Comparison

Why am I comparing myself to others?

Would I talk negatively to others like I do to myself?

If I wouldn’t talk to them that way, why not?

Has anyone told me the opposite of what I believe about myself?

Comfort Traps

Am I just listening to my excuses because it’s easier that way?

Do I find comfort in feeling sorry for myself?

How much longer am I willing to be uncomfortable because I’m afraid to face discomfort?

If so, what comfort does it provide?

Cost and Consequences

What are the future costs of my present decisions?

If I try and fail, what’s the worst thing that can happen?

When I get mad, what comes next?

Is it worth it?

Forward Thinking

What can I change about my past?

(Answer: nothing.)

What can I change to give myself a better future?

Never believe a thought without evidence. Demand proof from your thoughts before you treat them like facts.

Is that person really out to get you? Is your spouse really interested in someone else? Do you have proof? Or is the AI version of your brain writing a story that feels true, until believing it creates consequences you made for yourself?

No more acting on impulse.

You are very capable of identifying the lies in your own head if you’ll only look for them. Challenging your thoughts will build a new habit you’ll be proud of. People will notice you’re more mature and wiser.

And so will you.